Ulsters Craic Crisis

 

Readings show that Ulster is suffering an all time low in Craic in recent years, the reason is still anyones guess. But one possibility could be University students, Craic has become an endangered word, so endangered David Attenborough is talking about making a documentary on it.
We spoke with Steven Russel, chairman of  the Northern Irelands yacht club, craft beer manufacturer, lead singer of some indie band, but what hes most known for is being an anti Craic activist.
“Its a dying word you know, I will be glad to see the end of it, Banter is the way to go man, I once read on a Lad Bible article, people who still use craic are most likely support an Islamic caliphate”
Steven then went on to try and force us to buy tickets for a gig he was playing in, but we we were not interested. Steven then said he had to go, he didn’t want to be late for his beer craft drinking session, he jumped on his Penny Farthing and cycled away.
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We had more questions to ask Steven, but couldnt get in contact due to bad signal on his DynaTAC 8000x.
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I Hate St Patricks Day

You can literally find nowhere for peace, either your neighbours are having a fucking house party or your estate is having a street party, I wish St Paddys day was more like NI21 and have no Party. You obviously cant go to a bar for a quiet pint, IT IS LITERALLY THE PURGE. And even if you do go to the bar for a pint, there is always that one cunt you sits beside you and starts talking shit about nothing I like to call them bar stool philosophers.

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I live beside a giant fucking statue of St Patrick that sits on top of a hill, so ya know there is  gonna be loads of fucking tourists climbing up it.

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I hate seeing Americans talk about Ireland like they know the place, terrible Irish accents. Though I will say its true, the Irish are bunch of drunk cunts.

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Lastly , the Holyland students, putting the STD in students, so bad, Israel says “aye alright, you can keep it”.

So aye happy St Paddys day

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Two Lads Doing It For The Craic Like

“Here mate remember that shower of shite back in 2007 that absolutely wrecked our country, what’s was their name again? Aye that’s right fianna fail ”
“Aye what about them ?”
” i just voted for them, only for the craic like”
“Hahaha yer a mad cunt like”
“Aye fucking best Craic, like”michec3a1l_martin
” Might do that as well, but only for the Craic like”
“The Craic is fucking 90 with us like yeeeooo”
Barry enters the room:
” Here lads don’t be at that, they could actually end up winning”
” Fuck up Barry, you are zero Craic like”
” Yea Barry, you are like 5 in a half on the Craic scale”
Barry leaves the room:
” So here anyway mate stick on The Lad Bible on Facebook they are funny as fuck like”
” I fucking love the lad bible, great Craic”
Vote Fianna Fail, Do It For the Craic Like

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100th anniversary of the Easter Rising

What a year its going to be , it is basically a Republicans wet dream. Everywhere you look, there is something about the Easter Rising. So let me get to the point of this post, so since its the 100th anniversary,let me talk a bit about the rising, who were the leaders? what did they die for? what 1916 means to me? But first I need to talk about Burger King.

Burger King came to me and asked me if they could use my blog to help promote their new burger meal and of course I am more than happy to do so. Burger King is putting out a special menu that you can only get in Ireland for a limited time only. The special meal is called “The Only King We Serve Is Burger King”

The meal contains Padraig Pearse cola, the James Connolly Burger and Thomas Clarke chips. Yummy, right ? There is also a chance for you to win a free PS4 game, which is a  simulation of the executions of the leaders of the Rising, you can now finally see what its like to actually shoot James Connolly tied to a chair. There is also DLC, where you play as Enda Kenny and Joan Burton  and actually physically stab the men and women of 1916 in the back GTA style.Also with every purchase, you get a free copy of the hit RTE show Rebellion, great show.

Anyway back to what I was talking about…. sorry I actually forgot what this post was actually about, meh, Im sure it was nothing important.

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Shaking Hands With Strangers

Don’t ya hate it when yee go out for a drink and someone with a balaclava shakes your hand, then you spend the rest of your life wondering did I just shake hands with Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

Al-Bagdadi Escapes from Assassination Attempt

leader of the Islamic state dedicated in creating an Islamic caliphate, the destruction of the western world , responsible for over 170,000 deaths or was it just Barry dedicated Celtic supporter and the local melter.

Life is a mystery

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Who will be Northern Ireland’s next first minister ?

There has been some speculation as to who will be the next DUP first minister, Peter Robinson is set to go, did he do much ? No, he used our country like a piece of toilet paper that he wiped his hole with and threw away. The poor is still poor, the religious bigots are still hateful and Debbie Wilkinson is still not funny. So I have decided to come up with a list of people that would be perfect for the job.

1.Lord Humungus

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He would be perfect, he is used to living in a wasteland and he looks like he is about to go on a night out with the village people. TOP DUP MATERIAL !

2.The Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

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Kids, just stay off the streets if ya know whats good for ya

3.Jar Jar Binks

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Hates Muslims, supporter of Israel, what else is there to say ?

4.Any bad guy from Scooby Doo

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If scooby doo taught us anything, all scooby doo bad guys have potential to become the leader of the DUP.

5.Donald Trump

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He would build a wall around the border, yees would love that wouldnt yees

6.Ooze from the mighty morphin power rangers

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He looks like stacks of craic

7.Doctor Claw

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Ian Paisley was a sinister edgy doctor, why not have another.

8.That guy that got his bake melted clean off him

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Died for his country, give this guy a medal and make him the next leader.

9.The Batman and Robin Movie

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One of the best Batman movies eve made, former RUC officer, make him leader !

10.Michael Bay

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Director of the bombing campaign during the troubles, it only makes sense to get him to run the country

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Christmas Time For A Nihilist

christmas time for a nihilist

I hate bright lights, smiling faces and relatives visiting, so as you can tell I’m a fucking gas when it comes to Christmas. I enjoy Christmas movies and songs, what I dont like is the fakeness of it all, its portrayed as  the most happiest time of the year when in fact, its the most miserable. I feel sorry for people with epilepsy, they probably cant even leave the house with all those flashing lights, if a group of epileptics walked through Belfast City Centre its going to end up like a scene from Footloose.

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If I have to endure another fucking Cliff Richards Mistletoe and Wine song, I will literally necklace myself. Talking about music, I fucking despise the cultural cancer that is known as X Factor,  if I wanted to see people bomb on stage Id go to a troubles reenactment. You know what I would compare watching the X Factor to ? I read that Friedrich Nietzsche suffered from a nervous breakdown after witnessing a man whipping a horse to death, he never recovered and eventually died, thats what watching the X Factor is like.

John Lewis has a new advertisement out, honestly I really like it, they never disappoint with their Christmas advertisements.This years advertisement shows a lonely man living on the moon by himself, a girl spots him from earth while looking through her telescope. In the end she manages to find away to give him a telescope so they could communicate with each other. It has a great message, we should give  telescopes to strangers so they can look into our rooms at night while we sleep, I have theory on why the man is on the moon, he was put there by the government, why ? Didnt wear his poppy when he was told to… watch out James McClean !

Talking about the poppy, David Cameron was caught photoshopping one on his twitter profile picture, hey Davey I can play that game too !

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I have a hate love relationship with the cold weather, there is nothing in this world I love more than a nice warm bed on a cold winters night, but when you have to get up at 6am its not very fucking pleasant. I have claw hand which makes it hard to write, among other things…

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So aye I dont like christmas, but thats just me…

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